The word makes us think of every piece of candy, cake, pie. etc. that we have ever put in our mouths. The sense of quilt we experience is unbearable. We can bend the rules anywhere else and never brand ourselves a failure except with diets. Why is that?

Is it because we trust ourselves to realize when those rules may not fit the situation? So what, if instead of trying to follow somebody else’s rules, we change our basic belief that some “expert” knows what is ultimately best for us.

What if instead, we trust ourselves enough to design and evaluate our own rules. Rules that fit our unique needs.

This is not cheating.

It is being proactive. Is it better to: a) exercise 5 times a week for 30 minute and enjoy it or b) exercise 60 minutes twice and stop because it is hard or too time consuming? Which is healthier: a) eating 1 small piece of _____ (fill in your choice) that you planned or b.) eating the whole thing because you couldn’t stand it any longer? Which of these examples makes you feel accomplished and which make you feel like you have failed again?

Take a minute and look back on all the diets, exercise programs or general improvement efforts you have started in the past. What common themes do you see. I’ve discovered my own set of common themes - “My Personal Truths”. They include drinking 8 or more glasses of water, eating 4 to 6 smaller meals and eating more protein and less starchy carbs. The interesting thing is that I still eat this way even though I’m not following any particular diet. Why? Because I like to eat this way and it meets my needs for a lifetime. What has worked for you that you can live with indefinitely?

You would think it is insane if someone said you could never wear your favorite color again. So why would you choose a plan that severely restricts your favorite food? We always start with good intentions. But in the end, you can’t stick with it... The sense of denial makes you cheat! The only failure is this was the wrong choice for you.

What have you learned about yourself and how you handle change? I’ve learned that I don’t handle big changes very well. I’ve learned that small changes over time have resulted in sustained improvement. I can’t give up things all at once. I can cut back on the size or the frequency or change formulation to better fit my need. I have found that some changes are not worth. It will be a long time before I try fat-free cheese again. Any cheese that won’t melt in the microwave.... But that is one of the choices I’ve made.

So as you look at a diet or exercise plan, use the grocery store approach. Pick up what you can use and leave the rest. If you don’t do the whole thing, are you cheating? No. Just pick out the parts that you like and you can live with. For instance, do you like the breakfast ideas. Use them. Do you like the progression of exercise but they are too much for you.

Do fewer at your own pace. Use the exercise equipment for the part of the workout you like. Reframe your beliefs to reflect how they help you. I don’t walk for exercise anymore. I walk my dog and have time to think. I now know every bush, tree and piece of garbage on the street.. I’m much more aware of my surroundings than when I was just exercising.

So appoint yourself the Head Guru on You! Make a change because it is right for you, not because a well paid stranger tells you to do so. Listen to your body. Are you energized or are you groggy? Only you can know this. Don’t be afraid to evaluate your progress. Design your own program to support who you are and how you want to live. You never have to be afraid of cheating again, because you are making the rules. You will reduce the guilt and increase your success.

Remember this is a journey. Laugh at yourself along the way. And enjoy the unexpected detours!

Next month: Numbers - What would they mean, if you didn’t know what they were?